Finding Peace

Its that time of the semester again.  Advising.  A time when I suddenly realize that I have absolutely no idea as to what I want to do with my life and how tests do not show how smart I really am.  Its absolutely amazing.

At my meeting, we talked about how I might have to stay an extra year than I wanted and what concentration I wanted to head towards.  Can I mention to you how overwhelmed I suddenly became?  I am a deliberative person.  I take careful consideration as to the decisions I make.  I consider all of the possible pros, cons, and risks involved in each major decision that I have to make.  So to pick a concentration that ultimately shows where I want to go in life, that's a little scary.  Not to mention that I might not even use exactly what I've been taught in school in my profession is also a little nerve wreaking.

But I was reminded of a something after talking with my mother.  God gives guidance and most importantly peace.  Giving over my worries and my troubles will calm my fears and help me to pick the best option for me.  I am reminded of this in Hebrews 12:11b, "Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who were trained by it."

How awesome is that.  By simply trusting in God and God alone, he will give me peace in the situation.  He tells me that he will help me and he will lead me down the right path towards him.  That is so comforting.  I've been dwelling on this matter for a while now.  I've known that the time would come soon when I could start taking electives for my major.  Knowing this has scared me.  I have been taking this matter into my own hands  and not giving it to God.  It has caused me distress and worry.  Both which are not needed or wanted in my life.  But giving this to God gives me immediate relief.  I can rest assured that with a little research and a lot of faith, I can, through Christ, handle this predicament before me.

Praise God for his peace!!!

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4

My Own Little World

Its amazing how we can get caught up in our own little worlds.  The song "My Own Little World" by Matthew West hits the point exactly.  We get caught up in what we want and how we are feeling and how we are affected.  It's all about us; each individually.  And what is the outcome from this thinking?  Its only pain and hurt. We feel hurt because we are not being treated the way that we want to or we do not get what we want at the precise time.  Its selfish...completely selfish.

I've done this so many times that I cannot count.  I think of how someone treats me as a friend, as a peer, or as a coworker and sometimes it pushes me away from a truly great friendship.  I see that they don't care enough to think about me so I push out of that relationship.

Think about it.  We all do it.  Something rocks the foundation of our friendship or relationship and we fall.  We fall from the relationship and away from God.  God does not want our earthly relationships to fall.  He knows how important it is to have someone there for moral support.  It's why he created us.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 states:

"Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

We have friends and family to help us through tough times.  To help us with our battles and to help us with anything that need assistance.  But it goes both ways.  We need to help our friends like they help us and we need to listen to our friends as they listen to us.  If our relationships are built upon God as he desires then this listening part comes easily.  We listen to advise even though we don't like it.  We don't like it because we know its right and our pride gets in the way.  Welcome to my family.  It's getting better but we have a slips.

So what I am saying?  I'm not even quite sure.  Let me try to summarize.

We need friends, we need relationships, we need trust.  Most importantly we need Christ.  We need is power and wisdom to rule our lives.  We can't go around thinking that we have this all figured out when we don't.  We really don't.  God gave us mentors, friends and the Bible for a reason.  He wants us to use it to find him.  To learn from him.  He gives us several examples of every situation under the sun.  We need to trust him to know that HE will provide. If we "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" ( Deuteronomy 6:5) and if we listen when God says, "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.  For the battle is not yours, but God's " (2 Chronicles 20:15b) then we will find that God will bless us.  God loves it when we step out of our little worlds and give them to God.  He created us.  He knows us.  That's why we can trust him.

Ballad of Some Sorts

My walls have been shaken
Everything that I thought was fine
Its now shattered
My thoughts are scattered

What am I to think
What am I to do
To whom to I talk
To focus my walk

My eyes are leaden
The wet performance
They gave made them sore
NO! They're not a whore!

I say I'm fine
I say I'm okay
I say things to just to say
Get off my back and go away!

Morals, obsolete
Standards, low
What's black is now white
I'll fight that good fight

Bitterness swells
Disappointment hangs
My feelings are rash
My thoughts shouldn't bash

Forgiveness shines its light
For it knows best
The tree of wisdom
Knows her kingdom

We're all human
As human as we can get
If we were perfect, we'd be Jesus
He's the only one who truly sees us

I'll bite my tongue
I'll show my love
That's what I should do
It's what I want to do

I can feel his presence
Its amidst me, typing
He says "It will work out,"
He says "Feel me out,"

"I know best,
Fathers tend to do.
I'll take you under my wing
And show you a two or thing.

"Trust me dear,
I beg that you do.
Trust my will, my way
And I will bring a grand day."

So I trust
With my heart
I forgive and support
That's what she needs of sort

I love her
Completely, forever
No matter how I feel
Or how much I may real

I love her
I truly do
I hope she knows
I hope it shows

So they say that life gives you a roller coaster of emotions and struggles.  Is this true or what.  My life these past few months, give or take a few, has been one giant roller coaster where the lows last longer than the highs.

Its painful.  Incredibly painful.  To sit and see your life go by through this lulls and valleys is nothing that I want to see last very long in my life.  But what I hate the most is how this struggle seems to only occur with the same people and the same situation.  Which makes me wonder, am I doing something wrong?  Am I driving people away?  Am I hurting other people's feelings that would lead me to receive this kind of behavior towards me?  I simply don't understand.  All I want is for this to resolve itself and go away.

Looking at myself in this situation, I hope I'm not taking out my emotions on other people.  Lately, I have been feeling homesick.  With football season starting, fall weather coming along and my latest enjoyment of Karen Kingsbury novels, I find myself wishing that my family was a short drive home.  And when I mean short I mean around 2 hours or so.  Its difficult for me to see my residents and my friends be able to go home for a weekend and spend time with their families or have their families come down and see them.  I find myself saying that this just is not fair but I remind myself that I picked the school.

But I also remember that I am not alone.  I have a God that loves me and is always with my right by my side.  I tend to lose track of this but I cannot and should not forget that God is bigger than my issues. God is big enough to take my hand and lead me through.  God is big enough and his love is big enough to comfort me in my hardest and lowest times.  Jeremiah is a great example.  He struggled through pain after pain after pain with God right along with him.  God spoke through Jeremiah to the Israelites through a rough time in their history.  If God can use and comfort Jeremiah, he will do the same for me.